I'm so honest to you,I never chat with other girls,flirt with other girls,so,can you just do the same for me?

When will all this gonna stop?

Does this all worth baby?Does it worth it?Does it worth it to keep this as a secret?To be honest,it scattered me into a thousand pieces.I know,you told me that it would help us to protect our relationship.But,at the same time,it makes me feel like i'm nothing to you,i'm not your boyfriend.Every single actions i have to be well aware before doing them,to make sure that it would not affect you and your hobbies.But,this really hurts me alot,like how you feel when your fingers getting cut by a knife.I can't explain it with words as i feel like those feelings couldn't be more terrify.Every night before sleep,I will recall back all those sweet moments,with you so that those bad memories wouldn't raise again.I know,yes,I truly know you had sacrificed so much for me during the period of my studies.But,let's look at my side,I can't simply ask you to date with me as you told me that you scare there is spy observing us,fine,I can understand that.You told me that we can't go out to play sports games like jogging or basketball,worrying that your mom will know us.Okay,I accept that.You are not allowing me to go and see you play your basketball matches as you scare that your teammates will know us.My tears dropped as I listened to this.But fine,okay,time will heals me later.But,even comment your photo also can't.My heart broke like how the plate smash on the floor.How desperate i want to say you're beautiful,or a single word like"pretty" also can't.And every time,when I want to check your messages,I will stop myself,as I don't want to know the truth,If if i can,i would like to ask them to come out and talk to me,but I can't,all is just to protect you,I want to keep us,even if u have betrayed me.I love you,but when will this gonna stop?I saw my friends posting their couple photos,and this further breaks my heart.I want to hold your hand,but I can't,I want to hug you in the public,but i can't ,i want to kiss you in the dark,but i can't,and I want to call you baby,but I can't.Baby,can you make me feel more safer?Don't breaks my heart anymore and I'm waiting that day,the day that I can tell and warn every boys from chasing you,check your phone,hold your hands,hug you,kiss you and comment on your photos.But,that day is too far for me.Please,make me feel that i'm special.But,lastly,can I ask you a question?To you,who am I?